Unfortunately, growing up too quickly is a reality for many who come from families facing challenges like domestic violence, poverty, substance abuse, or having a sick caregiver.
So, what does "growing up too quickly" mean? The correct term is accelerated development, which happens when a child has to take on adult or older roles within the family. Often, this occurs without us even realising it because it becomes part of our daily life.
From a mental health perspective, growing up too quickly can be tough on a young person. Trust me, I know this firsthand. Growing up in the environment I did, I had to mature very quickly. I remember being told by my support network at the time that at 14 years old, I was already thinking like an adult. But we must remember that at 14, I was still a child, not fully developed myself. This meant I felt the need to be the adult of the house, but without the life experience to back it up, which made this period of my life even harder. This was especially difficult for me as I was already behind academically due to minimal school attendance—but that’s another story.
Let’s go back to when I was about six years old. At this point, my mum had a terrible choice in men. Without going into details, this was the first time I really felt the need to grow up quickly, although it was a different experience from when I was older at 14. At that age, I felt like I needed to be the man of the house. Seeing my mum get hurt by men made me feel I had to protect her and my brothers. This put a lot of pressure on me, as I was only a child and had this massive responsibility on my shoulders. To be clear, my mum never had this expectation of me—it was just something I felt I needed to do.
This feeling was hard to move past growing up. It wasn’t until after years of therapy that I finally understood it wasn’t my job to protect my mother with my life. It’s important to note that even when my mum and I weren’t on good terms, I still felt I needed to fulfil my role within the household.
So, let’s talk about how growing up too fast has affected me both as a child and as an adult.
As mentioned above, as a child, it was a lot of pressure. By this, I mean that having those feelings and not believing I could achieve what I was thinking was what really weighed on me. I also don’t remember having any hobbies or childhood memories that most people cherish. As I started working on myself, I got into football, but I think this was more of a safe place for me because of the people I was surrounded by.
The funny thing is, when I was in the moment, I didn’t realise I was growing up too quickly—it was just life to me.
As an adult, I can see how it affected me, but not all in a bad way. One of the main things is that I handle situations differently from others. I feel like I can find solutions to problems much faster than others. Of course, this is due to several factors, but I truly believe that growing up too fast had a big impact on this. Another thing is that now, as an adult, I have more “childish” hobbies and enjoy things I might have liked as a child, just a little later in life. Lastly, I feel it has changed the relationship I have with my kids. I do everything in my power to ensure they have the best childhood possible. I encourage playtime, support their big dreams and ideas, and do my best never to put my stress on them.
To end this blog, I want to share that although I grew up too fast and faced these challenges, if I had to relive it, I wouldn’t change anything. Of course, I wish things had been easier for my family, but I am proud of who I am. Growing up early made me who I am today.
Writen by Joe Horvat
P.s much love mum x
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